It’s not quite 11:00 in the morning, yet as I was scooping up some laundry from the bathroom floor, I found myself staring extra longingly at the bath tub. Isn’t it a little early for that? Maybe. But, just the idea of my day to come has worn me out.

Let’s start with the solar eclipse I woke up to. This little, insistent voice barged into my dreams, until I realized my 2-year-old was repeatedly yelling, “Mom! What’s this?!” I pried an eye open to discover a diaperless toddler crotch 12 inches from my face. I’ve always been clear on what Elijah’s favorite body part is, but this was the moment he chose to discover the part under that part. It’s probably the first time I’ve started my day with the word “scrotum.”

The house looks frightening, as it does after most weekends that I foolishly relax for a moment. Yesterday, I spent three hours paying for mistakenly assuming our van’s brakes would have one of those handy little squeal makers, to alert me to change the brake pads. Now we have a new set of brake pads and rotors. So, today is cleaning day, and, thus, bath-longing day.

I’m sure you have experienced or can imagine the typical exhausted-mom Calgon moment, sinking into a warm, bubbly bath to wind down – maybe some candles and a favorite relaxing beverage (mine is hot tea in the winter and slushy water in the summer). If I manage to be soaking in a tub devoid of any little people, I might have a few moments like that, but, alas, I’m apparently too fidgety for such indulgences.

Shortly, I find myself raising a hand up out of the murky swamp waters, marveling at my powers of making smoke come out of my fingertips. I am a steaming fire monster, and if you are not careful, I will nebulize you. I wash away enemy forces on Belly Island. At times, I simply ponder physics, as I submerge my head and listen, make noise or blow bubbles. And then, there’s the filling, pouring and bobbing experiments with an empty travel bottle. What am I? Five? Hey, when in Rome…

No matter at what age I behave in Tubland, I’m soaking off my day and morphing back into a saner person. And, boy, am I going to earn it today!