Petty Boop


 A naked Elijah rushed down the stairs, wailing, “I’m ’bout to boop erywhere! I need to get on big potty (gets on big potty). I mean, I need to get on liddol potty!” He dashes to the toddler potty in the other bathroom. Then he stands up, worried, and says, “I mean, I need a diaper. I need a diaper ‘fore I boop ALL OWER (dashes off to get a diaper).”

I call to him, “Wait! If you poop in a diaper, poop will get all over your booty, like this (enacting a generous slathering). If you poop in a diaper, the poop will come out of your booty and you’ll need just a little wipe. It’ll be much cleaner.” “Oh,” concedes Elijah, and he dashes back to the little potty.

I sit near him while he contemplates the situation. “I don’ read wih dogs or cats or deer or fiffy (fishy) or any ammal.” “Oh? With whom do you read?” “I juh read mine roggy book. Get mine roggy book, pwee, mommy, will you?” I read a bit of his froggy book before he says he’s all done, having done not much of anything. “Now may I go pay (play) more?”

Fifteen minutes later, I again hear, “I’m ’bout to boop erywhere!” as I hear little feet dash away.  I assume he makes it back to his little potty, so I’m surprised when  30 seconds later I see a gloopy set of buns backing around the corner. I swoop him over to the nearest bathroom to find he had settled for the big potty. “An I beed, too! EW! You gotta put dat doit baper IN!” he demandingly narrates as I clean him up. And that’s how this two-year-old rolls.

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