If you start using the potty, I’ll laugh at your poo with you.

on

Scrubbing poo out of the carpet before breakfast is not the best marker of a good day. That’s OK. I’m keeping my eyes on the Prize.  We are planning our escape to an undisclosed location *.* at an undisclosed time. Having bumbled through the morning with my free-day-at-the-children’s-museum virus, I put the kids down for a nap. Tip-toeing to the toaster (sing that in a squeaky voice), with my non-napping baby in one arm, I almost wish someone was witness to my deftness as I yank the toaster lever up, sending my horribly wonderful toaster pastry prize into the sky, high enough for me to snatch it with the same hand. Mmm. The only thing more rewarding than evil treats is managing to gobble them without the boys noticing.

Junk-snacking is not a great idea. This bug already botched my new workout routine after only one trip to the gym! I figured I’d be nice and not share our boogers with them. Interestingly, it seems the last time I had a bug was also the last time I blogged. I’ll try not to make that a habit. I’ve also been “partying” with an over-clocked thyroid, which doesn’t make me the friendliest mama on the block, and…also has me constantly seeking a sugar fix.  Oh leetle vacation, where are youuu?

If anyone is keeping a list of things moms/wives don’t care to hear, I have a few you can add.  They range in severity from “*sigh*” to “OMG I don’t ever want to hear that again.”

1. Toddler saying: Mooooooom! Change me! Change me! (accompanied by a squishy trail of special effects)
2. Husband saying: Your toothbrush is awesome!
3. Toddler saying: Dad! Let’s play poop! (proceeds to crawl between dad’s legs, saying “poooo-oop!”)
4. Toddler in bath hollering to me in next room: He he he! I’m tickling myself mom!
5. Toddler to dad: Take! I taked your penis and now you have a ‘gina! (I think we’re a little obsessed with “down there” right now)
6. Pre-schooler saying proudly: Look! I made a golf club. (holding up carefully torn page from a book)

So the other day, my sweet love sent me a business-romantic meeting request for a 7-hour “special event” that requires a sitter. I don’t really care at this point if it’s grocery shopping. He’s made it so…intriguing, so…mysterious. I’m ready to grab my cart and go! Actually, he’s a great “picker”, so I know it will be cool.

Guess I’ll go Neti the Drooling Yeti (i.e. irrigate my sinuses).

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